Saturday, 28 May 2016

My Breakup and What I've Learned From It


 Breaking Up

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me.  It shouldn't really have come as a surprise since technically I broke up with him five days before that, then gave him a second chance.  Essentially he has plans to move to another country in a few years and I had known for a while that he wanted to do it by himself, while I wanted to go with him.  It all boiled down to that in his eyes we had an expiration date.  We love(d) each other, but circumstances conspired that it was never going to work. 


What I've Learned


Love isn't enough
I suspect he was never really in love with me.  He may have loved me, but being in love with someone is different.  I read once that like, love and in love equates to now, for a while and forever.  I would normally say that's a load of rubbish but it does seem accurate in this situation.  Unless you both place an equal amount of importance on each other, there's always going to be one taking advantage of the other, even unintentionally.


You Can Start Again
My whole life has pretty much fallen apart. I had quit my job a few weeks before because I was always exhausted and it wasn't going anywhere.  Now I'm living with my Mother in a tiny town in the North West of England, with no job and no boyfriend!  I don't want to move back to Manchester, because I think the probabilty of remaining hung up on my ex will just increase.  We both want to be together right now, but we also both know that this is never going to work, and I'm the one who is being hurt the most.  I'm already making plans, and things are starting to look up as I begin to accept that we're really broken up and I need to start again.

Friendship Is Possible, But Not Yet
For the first week after we broke up properly, before I retrieved all of my stuff from our/his apartment, we spoke on the phone every day.  He's my best friend, and we were both grieving the loss of our relationship.  We both cried a lot on the phone, and got absolutely no closure that way.  In fact, the opposite happened, and I convinced myself that I wanted to get back together and that the whole thing was stupid.  I then spent much of the week trying to convince him of the same, which in hindsight is very embarrassing.  I've not contacted him since we moved out my stuff and really said goodbye, except to inform him that I accidentally took some of his stuff and that he still has some of mine.  I know it's over now, and I can also see that it's for the best. He's my best friend and knows me like noone else, but I think it's time I reconnected with some of my old friends that I've been missing.  Distance will be good.


It Will Get Better
There's no denying that breaking up really sucks, but it does get better.  With some closure and a little perspective, I've found that it's for the best.  I was always aware of his faults, but now I can see how in the long term we never would have worked.  He never stopped me from doing anything, in fact he often encouraged me to broaden my horizons, but my blind dedication to him and our relationship meant I was limiting myself. I may feel down on my luck right now, but for the first time since we got together I can do anything with my life.  He was worried he would ruin my life if he gave me hope for the future and we stayed together, and he was right.  He always was the more level headed of the two of us!


What I'm Doing Now
Now, I'm job hunting like crazy and spending a lot of time with the cat.  I don't know what I want to do, but I know what I don't, which is half the battle.  Wish me luck!
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17 comments

  1. I'm so sorry that you guys broke up 💔 But what's really admirable is that you are dealing with the situation, acknowledging it's hard, and moving on. You have a fantastic opportunity for a new start and I hope it goes really really well for you, you deserve true happiness 😌

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    1. Thanks so much Abbey :) I think I may have hit rock bottom but at least it's all up from here!

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  2. It was brave of you to post about this so honestly! And well done for focusing on making things better, I hope it works out!

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    1. I was a little terrified about posting this so thank you! I hope it works out too :)

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  3. Such an amazing post! When I saw you tweet it, I was excited to read. This must have been extremely hard to write, but it was brave of you to post this, and I'm happy you have a positive mindset on this.
    I've been in a relationship for 3 years, and I always think how lost I'd be if things were to end. Not that I think they will, but the idea of being apart from someone who was once a vital part of your life is scary. I love the way you're dealing with this situation, I hope everything works out for you.

    http://mcinness.blogspot.ca

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    1. Thank you so much Megan. I rewrote this post many times and really struggled over whether or not to actually post it, but I wanted to get it all out in the open and potentially help anyone else going through a similar situation to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

      Bethany

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  4. God you're strong! I'm going through pretty much the same thing right now but I'm not nearly as logical about it as you are, this post has helped me massively though and I can now see that it will get better! Thank you for this!
    acornlifefitness.com

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    1. This post was my way of getting it all down and organising my thoughts. I promise you, I am very rarely so practical about these things, and you should have read the first draft! I'm really happy that this helped you even a little, as it certainly helped me to write it. Much love, and I know things will get better for you too!

      Bethany

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  5. This is such a sweet post, you're accepting your sadness but youre so hopeful and that's really great of you!
    Hope you start to feel better soon!
    http://racheleiwood.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm already on the mend, and everyone both in real life online have been so wonderful and supportive, in ways I couldn't ever have imagined.

      Bethany

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  6. I'm so sorry for your breakup, but it's lovely to see such a raw, personal post. You're so brave for posting this. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I dread to think how drastically my life would change if we were to fall apart.. It's fantastic to see that you're ready to move on and make better of yourself. Things can always get better! Sending love and hugs.

    - Vee.
    http://veeosullivan.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! I will admit that I cried a lot writing this, but the whole process was very cathartic. It helped me put into words all the swirling emotions and sort them out in my head and how I was really feeling. While my life may have fallen apart, it's a unique opportunity to start again, and one I plan to make the most of.
      Love and hugs received and much appreciated!

      Bethany

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  7. Very personal post so I'm glad you decided to share it. I know a lot of people have these issues so hearing from someone about how to deal and so forth is always a plus. I'm glad you're looking at ways to keep focused and move forward.

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com

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    1. I always enjoy reading these kinds of posts on other people's blogs and figured that it might help some people not feel quite so alone when going through something similar. It also served as a brilliant emotional outlet for myself, which was a bonus!
      Thank you so much for your comment :)

      Bethany

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  8. This helped me so much, thank you x

    www.katiemarygraves.co.uk

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    1. I'm so glad that it did! It was difficult to write so knowing that it helped even one person is wonderful to hear.

      Hope you're well xx

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  9. So sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time, I must say though, reading this you sound so strong, sophisticated and ready for what life throws at you! Very inspired! Xxxx

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